Switch – The bit that gets spilled when you’re gender fluid.
Dub – Various strains of tweaked BBQ reggae made by bearded white people in Wellington. Rail game – Generally played with a mirror and lines of MDMA until nobody can stop dancing. Frontside switch up – An amorous meeting in the fleshpots of Asia where you get more than you bargained for. A surprising nocturnal ladyboy encounter the photographs of which you may choose not to post on social media. Over shoot the landing – Successful conclusion to a sexual encounter by practitioners of the Withdrawal Method (AKA Vatican Roulette). Double Daffy – When driving at speed while heavily under the influence of drink and drugs, the technique of covering one eye with your hand to prevent double vision. Screamin’ Seaman – A painful inflammation of the urethra caused by a bacterial infection accidently picked up off a toilet seat. In a brothel. Named after 1970s pro freestyle skier Curt Seaman; a frequent visitor to Amsterdam. Cossack – Traditional shock troops of the Russian Tsars and a spread eagle taken past the point of no return that would make Rasputin wince. Cork – The kind of off-axis trick that opens champagne bottles at the Olympics. Nose butter – Nothing that can’t be fixed by a strong course of antibiotics. Shifty – That friend with a migratory-bird-like homing instinct that draws them to the red-light district of a foreign city within 15 minutes of alighting their plane. Zero Spin – A trick you only see when the subject under discussion isn’t controversial. Tail grab – No longer seen on the competition circuit due to the success of #metoo. Critical grab – A misogynistic seduction technique as practised by the leader of the free world. Knuckle – An area of the landing zone, or someone’s hand, that it’s best not to connect with your eyebrow. Spread eagle – A star jump on skis. Get your mind out of the gutter FFS. Flair – A certain flamboyance in dress and manner that is all perfectly acceptable nowadays. Half pipe – Shunned by the more sophisticated crack smoker as only 50% full.
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Fat CantabFrom the region grown lardy on the udder Archives
March 2020
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