The Journal of Cantabrian Freeskiing
Ski industry types think that their tax-deductible piss fest amongst the flesh pots of Munich (AKA major ski trade fair ISPO) is a vital part of their business. It easy to believe that the creative juices flow freely in the famously liberal German city where Iggy Pop and David Bowie spent much of the late 1970s living a non-conformist, chemically enhanced, although non-gender-specific lifestyle.
The Fat Cantab team are regular visitors to ISPO but we make sure to keep it very tidy: pressing flesh with the ‘little people’ who keep the ski industry running day-to-day, and enjoying the freebies and bottomless beer glass that makes the tedium bearable.
The huge amount of new gear we receive is something of an embarrassment, but occasionally a piece of gold flashes in the pan... We were very excited to get our hands on the new touring ski from innovative snow sports conglomerate K2 Line Salatomic Inc. Standout feature was backcountry tea towel holder featuring ‘sphincterific’ clasping technology.
Google Inc today installed a 1.21 Gigawatt cloud computing facility in San Paolo California solely to archive GoPro footage from Wanaka-ites. The Sothern Lakes destination village now has the highest level of self-capture in recorded history. Few would now argue that Wanakans have surpassed the Socratic ideal that “the unexamined life is not worth living”.
An important threshold (known as the “Beiber Line” to Silicon Valley techies) was recently breeched: Wanaka folk are now recording so much of their lives that - irrespective of how long they live - they will never be able to watch it all. This is perhaps the most convincing argument for an afterlife in all of metaphysics. If there is any justice in this universe they will be forced to watch one another’s SUP yoga footage for eternity.