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The Fat Cantab Trickionary

2/8/2019

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Switch – The bit that gets spilled when you’re gender fluid.
 
Dub – Various strains of tweaked BBQ reggae made by bearded white people in Wellington.
 
Rail game – Generally played with a mirror and lines of MDMA until nobody can stop dancing.                                                                                                                                                     
 
Frontside switch up – An amorous meeting in the fleshpots of Asia where you get more than you bargained for. A surprising nocturnal ladyboy encounter the photographs of which you may choose not to post on social media. 

 
Over shoot the landing – Successful conclusion to a sexual encounter by practitioners of the Withdrawal Method (AKA Vatican Roulette).
 
Double Daffy – When driving at speed while heavily under the influence of drink and drugs, the technique of covering one eye with your hand to prevent double vision.
 
Screamin’ Seaman – A painful inflammation of the urethra caused by a bacterial infection accidently picked up off a toilet seat. In a brothel. Named after 1970s pro freestyle skier Curt Seaman; a frequent visitor to Amsterdam.
 
Cossack – Traditional shock troops of the Russian Tsars and a spread eagle taken past the point of no return that would make Rasputin wince.
 
Cork – The kind of off-axis trick that opens champagne bottles at the Olympics.
 
Nose butter – Nothing that can’t be fixed by a strong course of antibiotics.
 
Shifty – That friend with a migratory-bird-like homing instinct that draws them to the red-light district of a foreign city within 15 minutes of alighting their plane.
 
Zero Spin – A trick you only see when the subject under discussion isn’t controversial.
 
Tail grab – No longer seen on the competition circuit due to the success of #metoo.
 
Critical grab – A misogynistic seduction technique as practised by the leader of the free world.
 
Knuckle – An area of the landing zone, or someone’s hand, that it’s best not to connect with your eyebrow.
 
Spread eagle – A star jump on skis. Get your mind out of the gutter FFS.
 
Flair – A certain flamboyance in dress and manner that is all perfectly acceptable nowadays.
 
Half pipe – Shunned by the more sophisticated crack smoker as only 50% full.
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